Awareness is the key to mental health

Samarth Kaushik

I\'m a bi polar from childhood and was never taking any medication and was also having high IQ because of which my parents weren\'t able to see the issues as i was always ahead in everything but there were certain things that was not right like the way i was a introvert and was always by myself, the way i never used to talk much, the way silence was more appealing than crowd and sound, the way being by myself was my favourite thing to do, and high ADHD from childhood all together which never showed anyone i had any problem but as i grew older and got introduced to different depressants and alcohol and sleeping tablets my problems started to pile up deep inside and was getting more piled up everyday. Eventually when i was introduced to psychedelic and i was doing it alone and i was lost in a place where i was getting paranoid and started having hallucinations that i never had ever in my life on any substance as my trip was to be in reality and not get lost in the hallucinatory visions and actually be able to see everything normally even on the trip making me have only vivid colours in my visions as the trip and to be all about awareness within me and the surroundings. One day all that was bottled up inside during one of my trip came out to my aware self and paranoia started to seep into me and what was all inside layers of thoughts started to show up outside as that paranoia changed the way i knew the surroundings and had to doubt everything and slowly i started having auditory hallucinations which made my initial problems worsened due to onset of schizophrenia with auditory hallucinations. It was very difficult for me to accept that the sound that i can physically feel that I\'m hearing were all just not real and i was in constant flux of it is real and it is not real and cuz of this fluctuations i was not able to stabilize myself and get better by focusing on the solution. Eventually with time and constant stress filled mind i understood that trying to recognise the things is going to make me worried more so i decided to focus on things to do in the present so that with being occupied in doing something i will eventually get out of this fixed thought of hearing things so that even when I\'m idle it shouldn\'t resurface. So it took me more than 4-5 years in which i succeeded to focus on thinking about things i want to and focus on things that i want to and carefully choose what i surround myself with as I\'m sensitive and i let things around effect me and eventually reach a state where I\'m able to do whatever i want whenever i want and i have blocked my senses and made sure my senses of ears and smell are usually under used as that was the main reason why i had issues and since i blocked the senses that we effected my other 3 senses are being controlled as well making sure everything is what i want to and not something that happens and i have to figure out. All these things have been made into my habits as i have trained by sub concious memory to do all these that way i know i don\'t make mistakes. I have started to live in the flow making things much more better and give no room for paranoia as in the flow everything is going right and paranoia vibes when things are not feeling right that happens when you start thinking about it the more you think the more you get paranoid it\'s like an empty mind is a devil\'s workshop. But still after all this I\'m able to get control over the medication and taper it down and still be alright and also planning to eventually get complete control over this and may be try to help others like me to help understand their issues and make them see it cuz that\'s the problem with us we are blinded and can\'t see exactly what it is and see what we want to see at times. So making them see things for what it is they will get a different feeling which will make them want to see things for what it is and want real things more in life and as time progresses everything will be realistic and real and paranoia no longer exists and life becomes more peaceful and intact feels like it is very easier after all that we been through